The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
