I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
