That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
try to milk me bitch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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