I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
