toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
