I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
