Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Green mimosas i think yes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
