I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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