Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize