so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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