dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
