she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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