Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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