Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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