They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
