Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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