So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
