? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
