Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
