I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
