I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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