I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
