I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want nice things and good sex
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
