If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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