we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
