I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize