I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
