my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
