You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
