your parents love me but you hate me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
