ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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