Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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