So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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