he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
