Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
