Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
