Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
