I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
