Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
