I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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