ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
