Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
