I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't turn off my feet"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
