Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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