2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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