They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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