You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
