he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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