Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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