So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
