I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
