bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
