Nicole vs. Life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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