And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
