My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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