so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
