just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want a musical about memes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
