note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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