Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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