Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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