have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
