ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
