The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
