No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
