Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
