Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
