Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
