dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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