i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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