The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
