The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
