boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
