She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
