Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
