hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
