Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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