im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
