Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
