When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize