pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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